So you’ve been single for a while now and you’re starting to question why. Why can’t you find love? It’s not like you haven’t tried; you’ve been there and you’ve tried your best. But still, it hasn’t worked. And the fact that it can seem like everyone else is paired off, certainly doesn’t help. It’s painful when you look at your friends who ‘have’ found love. And you can’t help but think there is something wrong with you. But don’t beat yourself up over it. If you’re not experiencing success with your dating life, here are a few possible reasons why. As well as some advice to improve your situation.
Reasons for can’t find love
- You Have Unrealistic Expectations
- Your Self-Esteem and Confidence Level Is Low
- You’re Drawn to the Wrong People
- You Find It Hard to Trust People
- Your Insecurities Are Causing You to Get Clingy
- You Don’t Put Yourself Out There Enough
- Your Fear of Intimacy is Holding You Back
- You Are Distracted by Work and Other Things
- You’re Not Ready to Commit
You Have Unrealistic Expectations So You Can’t Find Love
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you need to find a partner who meets all of your expectations. But this simply isn’t realistic. The truth is that there are so many different kinds of people in the world. And no ‘one person’ can be everything to you. Of course, it’s important to identify what you want and don’t want in a partner. And what your deal breakers are. But just because someone has red hair or isn’t into sports, doesn’t mean they’re a wrong match for you. There are plenty of other qualities that they could have that would make them perfect; you just need to have an open mind.
Your Self-Esteem and Confidence Level Is Low
Do you ever feel like there are people who are just better than you? Like they have more going on in their lives? Or they know how to attract the right type of person. And can easily pull off a relationship without having to work at it? If so, then this may be your issue. If you don’t believe in yourself, how can anyone else? It’s hard enough to find someone who likes us for who we are. But when ‘you’ don’t even think you’re good enough… well, let’s just say it doesn’t help your chances much! And here’s the thing, low self-esteem can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You might believe that nobody wants to date or marry someone like you. And then act in ways that confirm your beliefs, further reinforcing that you don’t deserve love and happiness. This creates a vicious cycle of negativity that makes it difficult for anyone else to see past it. And see what you’re really about.
You’re Drawn to the Wrong People
Perhaps you can’t find true love because you’re drawn to people who can’t give you what you need. Maybe you’re attracted to people who don’t have the skills or qualities that would make them a good partner for you, or they don’t share your values, or they come with too many complications and issues of their own. Taking an honest look at yourself can help clarify why certain types of people appeal to you more than others. It could be that subconsciously the way they make you feel reminds you of your parents or other past relationships. You may be looking for someone to fill the void left by a broken home or other issues from childhood; or you may be subconsciously drawn toward those who need to be “saved” since you’ve always been expected to rescue others.
You Find It Hard to Trust People
Do you tend to put up walls when someone approaches or attempts to get close to you? Are you suspicious of motives when someone seems “too” into you? You might be shutting off your heart, but you’re also shutting off your brain. When someone seems interested in you, it’s natural to question their motives. However, if this becomes a pattern and you start ruling out potential partners based on whether or not they seem too into you, and you only allow yourself to go on dates with people who are less than 100% into the idea of being with you, then it may be time to re-evaluate how much faith you put in love and romance. You need to take a step back from your suspicious mindset and remember that just because someone is eager, doesn’t mean they’re not genuine.
Your Insecurities Are Causing You to Get Clingy
If you can’t seem to get over your insecurities, you may have a hard time finding love. Insecure people tend to become clingy and over-controlling because they want to ensure that they don’t lose their partners. But prolonged insecurity can make it difficult for a relationship to thrive. It causes the other person to feel like they need to constantly reassure you. Because of this, it’s important to work on improving yourself so that you don’t become dependent on a partner for validation and approval. Also, learn about how others view love differently than you do. This will help put things into perspective when it comes time to decide whether or not a relationship has potential down the road.
You Don’t Put Yourself Out There Enough
One of the reasons you may be struggling to find love is that you don’t put yourself out there enough.
There are a lot of people in the world, but it’s very unlikely that you’ll find love if you’re sitting alone at home. While it’s great to take your time and date at a pace that feels right for you if this means never dating anyone new or never putting your heart on the line, it’s time to make some changes. Online dating platforms are an excellent resource, but they’re not the only way to meet new people. There are many other ways you can get yourself out there like taking up a new hobby or attending social events. Also, never be afraid to approach someone you are interested in. It may be awkward at first, but it’s better than waiting for them to magically appear on your doorstep!
Your Fear of Intimacy is Holding You Back
Intimacy requires vulnerability. If you fear intimacy, it means that you’re afraid of being emotionally close to another person, which is the opposite of how love works. You’re afraid of being hurt, so you don’t really let anyone get too close. You try to keep your distance from people, but that just makes it harder for someone to fall in love with you. And that’s the problem here. This is a sign that something deeper is going on underneath the surface, which is usually linked to trust issues that need to be worked out.
You Are Distracted by Work and Other Things
You know, you’re just so busy and you have a job, a hobby, maybe a couple of children, or perhaps an elderly parent who needs your help taking care of them. And you have plans with friends that you can’t miss because they mean so much to you. But all this hard work and dedication can be a distraction from meeting the right person. While your career and other interests have a huge role in your life, when it comes to finding love, it’s important to strike a balance between the two. After all, if ‘you’ don’t make time for yourself, how an anyone else?
You’re Not Ready to Commit
You might be looking for love, but you may not be ready to commit, and there are several possible reasons for this. For example, you may be too hung up on your ex. This can happen even if the relationship ended years ago. In this case, you need to move on with your life before you start dating gain. Another reason you might fear commitment is because of negative experiences. If so, think about what those experiences taught you about commitment. And use those lessons as motivation for making changes in yourself. So that past negative experiences don’t haunt your next relationship right from the beginning. Just because you haven’t found love yet, doesn’t mean it will never happen. It’s not too late to open up and accept love into your life. With some honest introspection, you can figure out why you are having trouble finding love. And take action to overcome those obstacles.