Self Care

What are the common reasons for break up?

Break up. Is your dream relationship over, and now you and your partner are growing apart? Is there no spark left? It happens. Even the best relationships can run into problems. When time passes, your life goals change, misunderstandings happen, and fights are inevitable. Most of these problems can be fixed, but they can also lead to life-long separation and hurt feelings.

When do relationship problems start?

Every relationship goes through different phases. In the ‘honeymoon’ or the dating phase, the laws of attraction can make you blind to your partner’s flaws, but that phase eventually fades. After that, you and your partner start to make your fair share of mistakes, and what seemed like a lovely relationship, up until a day ago, may look like broken glass and blocked Instagram accounts the next day. A lot of relationship problems couples face can be easily avoided with mutual respect, understanding, and emotional effort. Remember, no one is perfect. Some character flaws are natural and acceptable, but you have to be willing to put up with it for the long haul. If not, then the problems will soon start to show.

Life

Sometimes life itself becomes one of the primary obstacles in relationships. Maybe it’s a new job that demands all of your attention. Maybe a family member is going through a medical emergency and now that responsibility becomes your number one priority. Being consumed by your own life may make your partner feel like you’re unavailable, even if that’s not what you intended. Sometimes the biggest problems in relationships don’t happen around how you two collectively function; the issues can be individual. Making an effort to connect with each other, to listen to one another and making the other person feel valued is the key to making it work. If you can’t juggle what life is throwing at you AND a relationship, then letting the other person go might be the best option.

Are you communicating enough?

Communication is one of the fundamental relationship issues that couples face. It is essential to take enough time to fully understand what your partner is trying to say. Their life experiences, points of view, and traumas are not the same as yours. That’s why good communication requires empathy. It is trying to see the world through their eyes as much as you can and then treating them the way you would treat yourself. Also, if you’re trying to make a point, it’s essential to ensure you’re clearly communicating and saying precisely what you mean so your partner can understand better. You need to recognize and accept that their perspective differs from yours.

Financial crisis

Another common relationship problem is when a couple is buried by financial issues. Issues like insufficient funds or not knowing how to divide your financial burdens, sudden loss of job, pending debt, and overspending can pressure relationships. Often, couples don’t discuss financial matters in detail, worsening some situations. Such issues demand a calm and honest discussion on finances and strategies to strengthen the financial footing. Discuss your finances when your relationship gets serious, and don’t hide your debts. Support one another if money gets tight and keep communicating.

Battle of daily chores

Who will do the dishes? Who will take out the trash? Who will go and buy groceries? As stupid as these may sound, disagreements over chores are common long-term relationship problems. This will lead to disagreements and disconnection and according to a study it has been one of the most significant relationship problems during lockdown. It’s essential to have a mature conversation about who is supposed to do what in the early stage of a serious relationship. Agree on the division of household responsibilities and handle it thoughtfully to keep this problem away.

Cheating is a massive issue

The internet has made cheating as simple as downloading an app. Sexting, porn, emotional affairs, sneaking around, and casual physical relationships with someone other than your romantic partner are all huge problems that can destroy the best and longest relationships in no time. Infidelity is a complicated subject to discuss with your romantic partner, but if you are emotionally or physically checking out someone away from your relationship, then let your partner know about it, even if it is just a crush. You owe it to yourself to give your relationship another chance. Keep regular and honest communication going or seek couples therapy if your relationship cannot get back on track after these issues.

Lack of trust

Trust is one of the foundational pillars of a long and fulfilling relationship. Any form of mistrust can engulf the ties like wildfire. Mistrust generally develops if you start to doubt your partner’s intentions. Unresolved doubts lead to more suspicion, transforming into anxiety, anger, and frustration and even worse…resentment. These all may result in both of you breaking up. When there is mistrust, start considering what affects the safety and security of your relationship. Take a step back and see what shaped your perceptions. Be open to each other’s feelings and communicate the issues to find out what affected the rhythm of your relationship. This will help you both solve your doubts and work on rebuilding.

Are you bored in a relationship?

Boredom is another common problem in long relationships. Being with one person for many years can seem to snuff out the ‘spark’. You may also feel you have outgrown each other. Don’t lose hope or give up. You can free this feeling by looking for new exciting ways to connect with your partner. Like going on trips or new hobbies. This will help you bond again over something fun and adventurous.

Sexual intimacy

Intimacy is the feeling of being close, supportive, and emotionally connected. Generally, a lack of emotional connection translates into a lack of sexual intimacy. It may make you feel distant from your partner. Factors like rigid schedules and children can impact sexual intimacy and create hurdles in your relationship. Have a talk with your partner and figure out what is affecting the intimacy in your relationship. If it is because of some unresolved issue or conflict, try to resolve it. Take some quality time out for both of you and do various activities together, as couples who play together stay together!

You cannot stop the fights

Fights happen in every relationship. However, it is a significant concern if your arguments never seem to end. Your relationship might feel stuck when you keep arguing about the same issues. Most of the time, these arguments are due to some fundamental differences that you may have, like a lack of trust, respect, or understanding of needs. To stop the fights, you have to go beyond the emotions and get to the root of the topic. Once you finally understand the issue, address it with your partner, have a chat over it, and try not to get into the same fights. If you still can’t find peace, you can try counseling, taking a break or calling it quits.

Not appreciating each other enough

When was the last time you complimented your partner? Or show gratitude for something? Can’t remember? You’re not alone. Studies show that lack of appreciation is among the most typical relationship issues. When your partner feels neglected, they feel like they’re being taken for granted, eventually stopping them from putting effort into the relationship. Complimenting your partner is so easy. It only takes a moment to say something nice about their outfit or appreciate something they did. Giving frequent compliments to your partner can boost their self-worth, and they will put more effort into the relationship.

Keeping score is terrible for any relationship

Scorecards are poisonous. If you’re keeping a record of every mistake, slip of the tongue, or flaw and always bringing it up in fights for the sake of one-upmanship or vice versa, your relationship has serious issues. When you keep a scorecard, it says that you’re not in a relationship but in a race that you must win. This tendency has two possibilities. Either resent your partner or dominate by diminishing their self-worth. Both are unhealthy. This leads to toxicity and must be avoided. Always deal with every issue, every mistake, and every argument as a singular event. Once you’ve solved it, forget it and move on.

Controlling

Controlling behavior happens when you expect your partner to behave in specific ways, even at the cost of your partner’s well-being. This toxic behavior degrades the partner’s freedom, confidence, and self-esteem. A study shows that controlling behavior often comes from family, from a very young age or, previous relationships. At one point in life, this was helping the controlling partner, and they needed to learn to express affection up front. But to avoid these toxic traits, speak up, set boundaries, and, if possible, try couples counseling.

Now that you know some common relationship problems, hopefully, you and your partner can navigate them more clearly. Most of these problems are harmless, but if the situation gets worse, it can get dangerous. Take little steps to keep your relationship alive and healthy. If you and your partner are facing any of these issues and cannot resolve them, then take couples counseling. It can be effective.