Trust is the foundation for any relationship, whether it’s with your family, friends or employer. Building a faithful bond is a two way street, however, you can’t ignore your gut instinct if you’re having trouble trusting someone. No matter how much time it takes to build, trust can be destroyed in a matter of moments. It can be very difficult going back to confiding in people, especially if you’ve been burned in the past. When trust is repeatedly violated, belief systems can be affected profoundly. Here are some signs that you may be dealing with trust issues.
You Assume People Will Let You Down
If you always assume the worst and start to panic, you may be struggling with trust issues. If you’re with someone who has a track record of misdeeds, a lack of trust is understandable. However, many of us can have issues with people who never show any sign of betraying us. Sometimes, our brains constantly jump to catastrophe. In this case, it’s important to remember that it’s not always the worst-case scenario. Sometimes, they really are caught up in some work. In case any unexpected situation makes you jump to the worst possible conclusion, there’s a good chance that trust issues affect how you’re viewing the relationship.
You avoid commitment
Commitment phobia or fear of commitment is a direct result of deep seated trust issues. People use this term very casually to describe why they can’t commit to someone but the real reason is actually quite complex. You may be an emotionally sensitive person, but your relationships are marred by trust issues. You’ll be ‘protecting’ your inner, truer self and not openly sharing, so your relationships will be shallow, based on lighter, less threatening communication about superficial things. If this sounds like you then there are a couple of ways you can get over this issue. Start off with knowing the root cause of your fear, followed by conquering it. Do not let other people’s experiences influence you. This will help in regaining your trust and maybe even committing to long term relationships.
You Snoop on People
If you’ve been constantly lied to in the past by many different people, chances are you don’t have a lot of faith in what people tell you. If you’re getting to know someone and they tell you some details about their life, your response might be to do a bit of digging to find out if they’re telling the truth. Perhaps you check their social media profiles to verify their work or education history, or go through their photos just looking for signs of deceit. It is a whole different scenario if you already have been dating someone for a while and feel the need to consistently keep snooping on them. Maybe it is time for you to recognize your pattern of behavior and learn to trust yourself first before laying it all on someone else.
You Don’t Forgive Small Mistakes
We know that people aren’t perfect but not tolerating their imperfections shows that you have some trust issues. It makes you incapable of tolerating other people’s mistakes. Whenever someone does something even remotely out of the ordinary, you feel like it is a direct attack on you. For example, if they are speaking too loudly then they are trying to piss you off, if they are running late then they are hiding something from you or if they are not giving you their phone then they are cheating on you. When someone does something that hurts you, they can trigger old wounds of the past without even realizing it. This leads to a ‘snowball effect’ wherein the old hurt gets layered with the new and becomes something so big you feel it is impossible to forget.
You Feel Isolated
Human beings are social animals. When we feel lonely, we tend to beat ourselves up and think that something is just wrong with us. The more alone we feel, the more we start to feel like we don’t belong or feel rejected. Feeling this way has a direct impact on your trust issues. This is because you cannot share your real feelings or true self. To be fair, there are reasons you learned not to trust someone. Most likely, it has everything to do with one or two specific people in your past. The mind has the capacity to naturally generalize a lesson learned without realizing it, which creates trust issues. Unless you have a couple of people who know you inside out and who you can fully believe, it’s difficult for you to feel like you belong.
You Tend To Overthink
The tendency to overthink usually comes from a place of previous hurt. When you’ve been hurt in the past, it makes it harder for you to trust what’s obvious. Overthinking will become your defense mechanism in order to manage the fear or anxiety that comes up when trying to build a trustworthy relationship with your partner. Regardless of how realistic it may be, you can’t help but imagine that your trust is being broken in every way possible. For example, maybe you come across a photo of two of your friends together on social media, and your mind instantly starts to make up elaborate theories as to why you weren’t invited, or the assumption that they don’t really like you and the thoughts start snowballing in your mind.
You Don’t Share Your Thoughts And Feelings
Every human being on earth has emotional needs. Not everyone can express their feelings naturally or feel comfortable doing so. While the stereotype is that men have the hardest time expressing their emotions, everyone at one time or another may find it difficult to say how they feel. But what if you consistently find it difficult to share your emotions at all? This keeps you guarded to the point where other people may feel you’re building walls. You do this to keep yourself safe from any future hurt. Is life too overwhelming? In this day and age being positive is the key to a healthy life.
You Always Think About The Worst Possible Scenario
Do you have a tendency to immediately jump to the worst conclusion even if it is a minor inconvenience. If this happens to you constantly then you may have something called ‘catastrophizing’. This means when you are in a certain situation and it is not catastrophic – you may feel like you are in the midst of a crisis. Sure, everyone has negative thoughts, but if these thoughts spiral out of control it may stem from your deep seated trust issues. If not taken care of, it could lead to anxiety and depression. With the proper identification of this pattern you won’t jump to such severe conclusions anymore.
You Are Overly Suspicious of Everyone
Remember being taught as kids not to talk to strangers? If you have trust issues then you take this to another level! You show unrelenting mistrust and paranoia towards others. Even if there is no adequate reason for you to be suspicious of someone you still find it difficult to trust them. Having suffered from broken trust or childhood trauma in the past could contribute to not trusting someone later on in life. You find it hard to confide in or share personal information with anyone. Your paranoid nature makes you read too much into the way people even look at you. Because of this you may seem cold and distant to your partner.
If you are convinced that you have trust issues then here are some tips to help you overcome them
Be Honest About Your Struggles
Having trust issues may stop you from revealing your true self or feelings about how your past may have hurt you, but keep reminding yourself that communication is key. Relationships can only thrive if you have an open line of communication. This will help people understand you and stop them from saying stuff that may trigger you.
Learn To Forgive
A person who cannot trust someone will find it very hard to forgive. Realizing that you are harboring some unresolved resentment over past relationships is the first step towards healing from this problem. Anger is understandable when someone wrongs you but not forgiving or letting go will remain embedded in your mind and will pose a problem in your future relationships.
Reach Out To Your Loved Ones
If red flags pop up and you feel like you are not getting the answers you need then the best thing is to reach out to a loved one. People who want the best for you will always give you honest opinions. They’ll let you know if your worries are genuine or if you are overthinking. Even if you are not comfortable sharing your feelings, just knowing that someone is out there, who genuinely wants you to be happy, is enough.
Learn To Let Go Of Fear
Most of us have experienced betrayal before, so it can be difficult to be vulnerable. If you want to start trusting again then you will have to let go of the fear of other people hurting you. Understand how opening yourself up to hurt also means you’ll be opening yourself up to love, affection, and joy. Understand that you will get hurt in life and instead of fearing it, acceptance will be another step towards resolving your trust issues.
Share your feelings without fear – here.